Safe

Safe, is what you kept us when you were around
Safe is what you always wanted us to be
And you did everything you could to ensure we were.
But we didn't think for once that you weren't
Safe.
That an unchecked heart could take you away from us.
And I think about it,
Maybe not everyday,
But some days in very special ways.
And I wonder if we're safe.
I try so hard, to do what you did,
To be who you were,
To the people you loved,
To the people you kept close.
But you've left behind big shoes to fill.
And I can only pray to be half as much
As you were.
I wish they knew you, they; the people I love today.
I wish they saw the great man who did all he could to keep me
Safe. Sound.
I wish I saw you for the rest of my life.
I wish you were alive today. To see me.
But we weren't careful. We took you for granted.
We didn't exchange our "I love you's" in time.
And now I wonder if you can read this from wherever are.
I thought we were all safe and that we could say these things in our own time and space.
But now there's an empty space, an empty chair, a missing piece of me.
And I'm doing my best to keep safe;
Your family, your home, your name, your dreams.
And I hope I'm half as good. Half as enough.
But I've come to realise
That maybe I wouldn't be where I am today
I'd be counting on you too much.
And here you are, counting on me.
And I don't wana let you down.
Wherever you are. I hope you know.
I'm safe. I'm keeping them safe.
I hope you're proud.

Half way home

You're almost there,
You're half way home,
You're tired, weary and a little afraid
And scared to admit it.
Will home be as welcoming as it used to be?
Is home even where it used to be?
You're hesitant, wondering if home even wants you back.
Do you want to go back?
You set out on this journey because being away so long has left you feeling incomplete.
But suddenly you wonder what if home was complete without you?
What if home doesn't need you?
And you grow more tiresome with all these thoughts.
Your bags are weighing you down,
So you stop and take a moment
To gain stock of everything.
You sit by the road and you're half way there.
And you wonder if you should take a step further or run away yet again.
And right there, you split up just like your thoughts.
Your heart races back home but your fears tug onto the rope that you've tied around yourself and attached to your hide out.
What should you do? Why must it be so difficult?
If only you never left home in the 1st place!
You'd never have been sitting here.
If only it were that easy!
The thought of home scares you and yet you know how fulfilling it can be.
It would mean accepting everything you've rejected,
Returning to what you left behind,
Acknowledging everything you wanted to ignore.
But mostly belonging somewhere.
The thought of never returning home is tempting.
It was the past that drove you away.
Only, there's a reason you set out on this journey, right now, right here.
There's a reason you're on this path today.
We move constantly from where we don't like to be.
Maybe returning home is scary but you've taken fifty steps, what are fifty more?
You look at the path you've walked so far
And you know what going back would mean.
Slowly, solemnly, you pick up your bags and walk.
Smile, you're more than half way home.

Slip

I slip sometimes
Maybe I let myself slip.
I bring my walls down, get out of my comfort zone,
often with my heart on the line and I get hurt.
And what is it about this pain that keeps me coming back for more?
Why do I return to it again and again, knowing all the damage it does to me
What is this nameless thrill?
My principles, my theories, my beliefs in love life and light,
They slip once in a while, maybe I let them.
And for this while, I'm open to your beliefs, your love, your principles,
And I accept them like a blank book waiting to be filled.

And then you go ahead and tear these pages.
And I'm back to square one, back to my nameless state of being.

One last time, I let myself slip, knowing that i was taking a risk.
But with hope that this time you could be the one to change my whole world of Love
That you could bring these walls down and keep them that way
This time I gave it all, got rid of these walls and you even swept the dust with me.
You took my hand and you took my heart and God damn it, you took all my love!
You spun my world around and you gave me reason to believe that I was wrong all this while.

That my theories could be proven wrong and there could be something as pure as what you showed me.
That there could exist something as bright as the way you shone and that darkness was so damn temporary.

And then you did what I feared the most.
You left.

Now I just don't know anymore.

Change Fearing

I never feared change the way I fear it now
I never feared change until I met you
For I know you now and I wouldn't have you any other way
And God Forbid, you change, I fear change like never before.
Did you think for once that you could bring me to fear something
When all I ever was, was God-fearing.
But here I am, fearing you, fearing what you can be
To me, 

here and now, is all I want to see.
But you're hinting at a future
That I'm not sure I'm a part of.
Would you blame me then for fearing change?
I don't want to lose you.
But I'm sure you've heard this from more than just me
But how much does it mean to you?
Does it mean as much to you as it does to me?
Will change matter to you?
Calm my fears, assure me if you can;
That you're more faithful than my fears,
That you will always be near 

If not right here.

What matters

I wanna write about you
I wana talk about you
But my words fall short
And here I am writing anyway just cause I need to...
Praying that I can put you down in words
But I can't and yet I can't stop writing
Because I'm trying so hard to tell them
To tell them what we are and what you are;
To me.

But the words don't come and I wish they did
You won't say it and I wish you did.
I can't explain it and I wish I did.
What are they even reading this for, do they care?
Do you care?
I wana tell the world what you mean to me!
But how can I when I haven't told you?
I want them to know what this feels like
But what's the use, what can they do;
To us.

How does it matter to them? Does it matter to you?
That I'm here so in love with you.
That I need to write you down
For people to look you up.
For them to know, how wonderful you are!
For them to see how beautiful you are!
And if they saw your heart how they would fall in love with you!
And how I'd stand in the way!
For they will hurt you, of that I'm sure.
But you will want them more and more.
And if only you knew how safe you'd be
Within my arms, or just by me.

I'd fight them all, though you'd rather do it yourself.
And they will fall, tumble, crawl, lay lifelessly.
For you mean the world to me.
And they still don't understand what they're reading right here.
But you don't either.
Would it matter? If you did or you didn't?
Would we matter if we are or if we aren't?
For they don't know you, they don't know me,
They don't know us and why I make this fuss
But to you, me; and to me, you;
We matter.
And it's okay if they don't see,
It's okay if they can't comprehend.
But you must know, you mean much to me.
But then again can we ever be,
More than these written words?
Can we be more than just what they see?

Midnight madness

Come midnight and I'm missing you
Wishing you were here with me
And all I want is to be by your side and you by me
Maybe we can stay quiet, maybe I can hold you
Maybe I might kiss you, just maybe.
But baby,
Don't be away too long
Come back to me, come back to bed
Let me share the place you rest your head
The sheets lie empty, the covers lay still
Still, I long for your hand in mine.
Intertwined
Both of us, being us and not one apart
Lay by me, give me your heart.
And when my lips touch yours, hold me close,
For I may shiver at the thought.
For it overwhelms me that you find me worthy
To kiss your hands, your eyes, your lips
And maybe your soul.
But baby, just maybe, you will come home to me
And let me be yours, while you be mine
While I hold your hand and under the sheets we intertwine.

Almost

Almost, the saddest word I've known
It's not there yet and but it has begun its journey
And there's so much hope and yet no surety.

There's so much of eagerness and yet no motivation

There's almost a chance that you will....

Almost

You're almost complete
You're almost there
You almost did it
You almost said it
You almost achieved it
But the saddest of them all;
You almost said 'I love you'

But you didn't, you almost did;

and that makes me sad.

I can only imagine how miserable you must feel...

Almost