Hope

I hope you never give up on yourself,
I hope you always find a way.
I hope you love yourself more than anyone, someday.
I hope you find your purpose,
I hope you never feel like you're not good enough,
And I hope you never feel like you're not worth it.
I hope that light always stays with you
And that darkness doesn't scare you.
I hope that you have a hand to hold
Especially when you feel lonely,
I hope you find warmth in the midst of cold.
And I hope you make one special friend
Who will be there when you need someone the most.
I hope you gaze at the stars every once in a while,
And I hope they make you smile.
I hope life never gets in the way of living,
And that you never stop giving
All that you have,
I hope it is enough.
I hope you find happiness, more than you think you deserve.
I hope, but mostly I pray, that you find yourself,
And that you keep yourself for as long as you can.
And that you keep yourself safe.
I really hope you keep yourself sound.

Birds were not made for cages

They say birds were never made for cages
No one was made for prisons
But we imprisons ourselves nonetheless
However there are exceptions
They're known as free spirits
They cannot. And I i repeat. Cannot be tied down.
They belong to the sky because the sky is limitless
And so are they
The belong to no one even if you wish to have them
They will be yours till they are called to greater things
And there's no holding them back after that
They're gone long before you can try to keep them
They were never yours to keep
They were yours just to hold temporarily
Oh but how beautiful it is to watch them fly
These free spirits, they know their way around
They find it
Like birds looking for home
They can find it wherever they go
Maybe they carry home with them
Maybe home is where they are, whenever they are.
That's probably why they are freer than the rest of us.
That's probably why we're grounded and they fly high.
That's probably why we cry when they say goodbye.
That's probably why I love her so much.
Cause I'll never know anyone more beautiful than her.
This free spirit, the one in whom I found home.

In another life

In another life
You and I will make it
We'll make it through every up and down that comes our way
In another life we won't care for the rest of the world like we do now
Nothing will matter in another life
There will be nothing in the way of us
Just you and me, hand in hand
Taking the world on like we were made of indestructible matter
Unlike now, where destruction is inevitable.
We have destructed.
But in another life, we'll be unshakable,
Unbreakable.
In another life, we will be free
To love.
And love will be free to us.

You should go and love yourself

There was once a time when I couldn't love myself. I couldn't stand myself. I couldn't live with myself. And you'd wonder what went wrong. How does one go from being so appreciative about life and all that's in it to wanting to run away from herself. I wondered too.

They say that you should love yourself first before anyone else. This is your life pack. Your lifebuoy to keep you afloat when you otherwise fall off your boat. This is your buffer of love, used especially when the love you usually receive feels insufficient or probably non existent anymore. This store of love is meant to build you up and help you redeem yourself when all else fails. But what happens if you don't have this store of love ready? What happens if you didn't anticipate losing the love you usually receive from loved ones. What happens if you took love for granted and now suddenly you can't find it anymore?

You find yourself in a big black hole, where nothing matters, everythings cold, including your heart and this void let's you feel just one thing, numb.

And numb is not a feeling anyone should go through.

Love yourself. Love yourself so much that another person's love for you or lack of it cannot bring you down. Know that you deserve to be loved, because you are beautiful inside and out, you deserve great hair days and warmth in winters, you deserve long drives and holidays, you deserve extra sprinkles and shots on the house! You deserve all this because you are worth every star in the sky. And if someone tells you that you aren't or makes you feel otherwise, you tell them to f**k off! You go right ahead and tell them all that you know you are worth.

You are worth so much more than they make you feel. Love yourself more than anyone can love you, for people leave, and I've learned that the hard way, and when they leave, they take their love with them sometimes and leave you behind.

Do not, I repeat, do not think for once that you can never find love again or that you cannot be loved. You are loved, immensely already, by the millions of particles that make you you.

Love yourself before looking for love elsewhere. Love yourself no matter what! You owe it to yourself.

At every sight...

The way he looked at me was different
No one has and no one will look at me the same
The way he looked at me never made me uncomfortable
I felt safe in his sight, in his mind.
The way he looked at me, like I was magic
He made me feel like magic.
He looked at me everyday like he saw me for the 1st time
and everyday he saw something new,
He looked at me and I saw him falling in love
And i wonder if he saw me falling in love too.
The way he looked at me, I knew for sure,
He wanted no other to look at me the same way,
I wonder if he knows, no others have.
No eyes have made me feel the same.
No hands have made me melt the same.
No kiss has made me weaken the same.
I wonder if he knows, that I've never seen eyes like his
Or maybe that I've never seen love in anyone's eyes
the way I saw it in his.
Love for me, love for what made me me, love for us.
I miss him, I miss his eyes more.
I miss how I felt when he was around.
Worshiped. Secure. Adored.
Loved at every sight.

Let me love you

Let me love you the way I want to,
Let me love you the way I care.
Stop telling me that I shouldn't!
Stop telling me that you won't be there,
That the future will hurt more
If I don't leave you now.
But babe we could die tomorrow and I don't want it any different, anyhow!
Can we let the future be itself?
Can you let me be me?
I love you for all you are to me.
And I don't care much for what you can be and what you will be
To me. You will always be
Mine.

You can't hurt me, you just can't.
Understand that and let me love you willingly.
Don't be so afraid, love, we don't hold the future in our hands.
We never will and you must understand,
If someday we can't be one
I will still hold your heart
For in truth we can never be completely done.
In truth, nothing can take from me what I have won;
Your heart, your soul, your smile.
And even many a mile can only try
To distance me from you.

But you must let me love you now
And not worry about tomorrow, 

tomorrow,
We must awake and allow fate
To do what she must because she will.
Against my will;
Against you.
And she will see us through.
But for now, babe, let me love you.

Fold

She's traveling everyday
A little deeper into herself.
She warned them ages ago
That his would mean the beginning of the end.
When a free soul begins to delve
Into dark waters and strange tides.
She warned them that it would happen when no ones watching,
Under the gaze of only her eyes,
That they will reflect depth
And shall hide from all who think they know.
She will fold, bit by bit,
And under every flap she will find solace,
Like never found in anyone's company.
She will implode several times,
And fell pain like shocks of lightning striking her heart.
And every time the pain subsides, she dies alil more inside.
Until she's so feeble,
she will remain
Until she's shown what she's worth,
she will refrain
From being more than what she really is;
A drop in the ocean, a lost soul in the abyss.
And deeper she will go, quieter she will grow.
Until nothing can do her any more harm
And that's when she will feel safe
Under ever fold she will find her resting place.

The Universe v/s Her (Part 2)

But learning doesn't mean accepting.

She can be stubborn when it comes to the people she holds dear to her heart. She doesn't care much for everything and everyone in the past. Right now, you're in her life. And she can't bear the thought of you being any less to her in the future than you are right now. She can't have you not matter to her in the future like the others, you must matter just as much as you do now. And day in and day out, she knows she's trying to fight the universe that's trying to make the inevitable happen. She's fighting it because she needs to prove to herself, to you, to the people gone by that she can decide who stays and that she can keep them.

And she may have failed in the past, but not this time. This battle is between her and the universe, to keep you. And she let it have its way for 20 years but not this time. This time she's taking a stand.

You're too precious, you're too important to her and the universe can try as much as it can but it cannot be greater than her choice of weaponry;
Love

Love triumphs over it all, over time, distance, fear, knowledge, space, oblivion. Love cannot be defeated. At least not with how strongly she feels for you. She can fight the world's deadliest offence and she will keep you with her.

Love may have failed her before, but not this time, this time, it's more powerful than you think. This time it is backed by desire and need, and want more than anything.

You won't be taken away from her the way the others were. You will be her constant and she will love you that way, constantly. 

She has never wanted anyone to stay this much, She has never wanted anyone to be a part of her life this much, but suddenly she does and the universe may question it, you may question it but she is so sure of it. 

And when she's this sure of anything she can do what it takes. She will love with all it takes to keep you!

The Universe v/s Her (Part 1)

She has learned, in the 20 years of her life, that people eventually leave. And by that term she doesn't really mean that they go away from her life but rather that they just don't mean as much as they once did.

If you're as old as her or maybe older you will know by now that the people you once spent hours talking to at a stretch can't hold a 2 minute conversation with you anymore. People you longed to see everyday are a distant memory. People you cried with and laughed with are not the same people anymore or maybe they are but not as much.

She has learned that life goes on and that there are only lessons and memories you can take forward, that people get left behind someway or the other and that you gotta learn to live with that.

She has learned that it hurts and that it won't matter to both of you in the same measure as it does to one. That distance can be a bitch and so can time. That she will meet new people and she will hope she never has to say goodbye but then she will anyway, and she will meet new people who have so much more to give her in this life.

She has learned that she cannot stop people from leaving. She can try all she wants and she can fool herself into believing that she can make them stay. But really, they left long before she realized it. The people who have to leave, will, eventually.

She has learned all these things....

More and more and more

I wish I could tell you
With all my heart
In more than words
How much I love you
If only you saw everything
I wrote between the lines
If only you heard
what I had to say
Between the silence
If only 'I love You'
Was made up of more words.
I wish there was a way
To show you
How you brighten up.
My everyday
You are.
You are more
Than you think.
You are
More.
Than ever before,
I love you
more.
But you don't
know,
Do you?
No.
And you won't
show me
How much you love me
Cause baby, maybe,
I don't deserve you
and I may not be enough
To love
You.
The way I do,
more and
more and
more.
I love you.

Confined

Some days, you wake up and you really wonder what you're here for.
Sometimes, you wanna know where you're headed and why the path doesn't seem so clear,
You wanna know what you're made of;
Stone and cement or ribbons and flowers.
You wanna know what makes you who you are and what brought you to this place.
Sometimes, you want to be greater.
Sometimes, you wish you were less.
Sometimes you just wana go to sleep.
But then again there's so much you wanna achieve.
Some days you'd rather not speak and you wish you could be invisible.
Some days you want to be the center of attention and you want to be loved.
Some days you just don't wanna be the person you were yesterday.
You wonder what's its like to be in a different skin and you take your time to get comfortable in your own.
Sometimes you wish you could escape the universe and sometimes you wish it just rushed into you.
Some days you wish wishes came true,
And that shooting stars would land.
For you've wished upon too many.
And then after these moments of thoughts,
You get off your bed and sit there in silence.
And you wonder if these walls will ever answer you.
The walls you built, yourself.

Chasing sunsets

I'm constantly chasing sunsets
Hoping ever to catch up
To move with the time of day
But I'm always four steps away

I'm constantly chasing sunsets
Rushing with the tide
But right before I reach
I find a secret place to hide

I'm constantly fearing sunsets
The end of every day
So much to do so much to be
I wish there was a way

To catch the sight of the sunset
With no remorse or regrets
But all of the day's lag
to lose and to forget.

Let me find you in the sunset
When the sky turns every shade
And as my day draws to a close
I can hold your hand unafraid

But I'm still chasing sunsets
And still hiding from the light
And darkness holds me
Come the lonely night.

I'll always be chasing sunsets
Until you come along
With you I know I'll make it
With you I can be strong.

I hope I reach the sunset
Then, when you finally reach me.
Until then I'll keep running
Hoping the sunset will find me.

Sleep soundly

Sleep soundly darling, sleep sound
I know what a struggle it can be
When many a times you get so lost
That you forget what is a real dream
The tiredness comes with the struggle
To overcome the force that holds you
That won't let you sleep.
But darling, keep fighting
The unrest will come and go
It will come and go again.
It will hold you and won't let you move
It will strangle you till you aren't sure you're gonna make it.
And then you just take it.
And quiety it leaves.
And you can feel again and mostly you can see again.
They don't know what it feels like to be awake and asleep at the same time.
To have the potential to be and yet not to.
To want to resist death's tease and yet have to bear it with only hope.
But fight it till you have fight in you no more
Don't let it take you over so easily.
This demon of a hold can only scare you
But to kill you it will never be that bold.
For you are stronger than what holds you even though you sometimes feel weak.
And for every time you escape death's illusionary sting,
You've won yourself another go at living.

Sleep soundly, darling, sleep sound.

Some nights

Some nights are a struggle,
Sleep calls but your body won't listen,
Some nights you grow restless,
And peace can be found but you don't want to search.
Some nights, you need that unrest,
Those sleepless moments
They let you feel what you otherwise sleep off.
And there's pain rushing through your soul
Because it is awake at the hour of truth,
When mind body and soul sync in time
And when each must confess to one another.
Where masks are taken off and walls are brought down,
And three become one.
And yet you feel like you've been shattered into a million pieces.
The night grows colder and the one thing that can keep you warm seems too far away;
Almost kept away,
Just so that you have this moment of settlement,
This intervention,
this state of feeling everything that you tried your best not to.
Some nights are not like every other night.
Some nights just break you.
So that the dawn can re-make you.

Settle

Take that moment,
Quieten up.
Now lose yourself
In that chaos.

Safe

Safe, is what you kept us when you were around
Safe is what you always wanted us to be
And you did everything you could to ensure we were.
But we didn't think for once that you weren't
Safe.
That an unchecked heart could take you away from us.
And I think about it,
Maybe not everyday,
But some days in very special ways.
And I wonder if we're safe.
I try so hard, to do what you did,
To be who you were,
To the people you loved,
To the people you kept close.
But you've left behind big shoes to fill.
And I can only pray to be half as much
As you were.
I wish they knew you, they; the people I love today.
I wish they saw the great man who did all he could to keep me
Safe. Sound.
I wish I saw you for the rest of my life.
I wish you were alive today. To see me.
But we weren't careful. We took you for granted.
We didn't exchange our "I love you's" in time.
And now I wonder if you can read this from wherever are.
I thought we were all safe and that we could say these things in our own time and space.
But now there's an empty space, an empty chair, a missing piece of me.
And I'm doing my best to keep safe;
Your family, your home, your name, your dreams.
And I hope I'm half as good. Half as enough.
But I've come to realise
That maybe I wouldn't be where I am today
I'd be counting on you too much.
And here you are, counting on me.
And I don't wana let you down.
Wherever you are. I hope you know.
I'm safe. I'm keeping them safe.
I hope you're proud.

Half way home

You're almost there,
You're half way home,
You're tired, weary and a little afraid
And scared to admit it.
Will home be as welcoming as it used to be?
Is home even where it used to be?
You're hesitant, wondering if home even wants you back.
Do you want to go back?
You set out on this journey because being away so long has left you feeling incomplete.
But suddenly you wonder what if home was complete without you?
What if home doesn't need you?
And you grow more tiresome with all these thoughts.
Your bags are weighing you down,
So you stop and take a moment
To gain stock of everything.
You sit by the road and you're half way there.
And you wonder if you should take a step further or run away yet again.
And right there, you split up just like your thoughts.
Your heart races back home but your fears tug onto the rope that you've tied around yourself and attached to your hide out.
What should you do? Why must it be so difficult?
If only you never left home in the 1st place!
You'd never have been sitting here.
If only it were that easy!
The thought of home scares you and yet you know how fulfilling it can be.
It would mean accepting everything you've rejected,
Returning to what you left behind,
Acknowledging everything you wanted to ignore.
But mostly belonging somewhere.
The thought of never returning home is tempting.
It was the past that drove you away.
Only, there's a reason you set out on this journey, right now, right here.
There's a reason you're on this path today.
We move constantly from where we don't like to be.
Maybe returning home is scary but you've taken fifty steps, what are fifty more?
You look at the path you've walked so far
And you know what going back would mean.
Slowly, solemnly, you pick up your bags and walk.
Smile, you're more than half way home.

Slip

I slip sometimes
Maybe I let myself slip.
I bring my walls down, get out of my comfort zone,
often with my heart on the line and I get hurt.
And what is it about this pain that keeps me coming back for more?
Why do I return to it again and again, knowing all the damage it does to me
What is this nameless thrill?
My principles, my theories, my beliefs in love life and light,
They slip once in a while, maybe I let them.
And for this while, I'm open to your beliefs, your love, your principles,
And I accept them like a blank book waiting to be filled.

And then you go ahead and tear these pages.
And I'm back to square one, back to my nameless state of being.

One last time, I let myself slip, knowing that i was taking a risk.
But with hope that this time you could be the one to change my whole world of Love
That you could bring these walls down and keep them that way
This time I gave it all, got rid of these walls and you even swept the dust with me.
You took my hand and you took my heart and God damn it, you took all my love!
You spun my world around and you gave me reason to believe that I was wrong all this while.

That my theories could be proven wrong and there could be something as pure as what you showed me.
That there could exist something as bright as the way you shone and that darkness was so damn temporary.

And then you did what I feared the most.
You left.

Now I just don't know anymore.

Change Fearing

I never feared change the way I fear it now
I never feared change until I met you
For I know you now and I wouldn't have you any other way
And God Forbid, you change, I fear change like never before.
Did you think for once that you could bring me to fear something
When all I ever was, was God-fearing.
But here I am, fearing you, fearing what you can be
To me, 

here and now, is all I want to see.
But you're hinting at a future
That I'm not sure I'm a part of.
Would you blame me then for fearing change?
I don't want to lose you.
But I'm sure you've heard this from more than just me
But how much does it mean to you?
Does it mean as much to you as it does to me?
Will change matter to you?
Calm my fears, assure me if you can;
That you're more faithful than my fears,
That you will always be near 

If not right here.

What matters

I wanna write about you
I wana talk about you
But my words fall short
And here I am writing anyway just cause I need to...
Praying that I can put you down in words
But I can't and yet I can't stop writing
Because I'm trying so hard to tell them
To tell them what we are and what you are;
To me.

But the words don't come and I wish they did
You won't say it and I wish you did.
I can't explain it and I wish I did.
What are they even reading this for, do they care?
Do you care?
I wana tell the world what you mean to me!
But how can I when I haven't told you?
I want them to know what this feels like
But what's the use, what can they do;
To us.

How does it matter to them? Does it matter to you?
That I'm here so in love with you.
That I need to write you down
For people to look you up.
For them to know, how wonderful you are!
For them to see how beautiful you are!
And if they saw your heart how they would fall in love with you!
And how I'd stand in the way!
For they will hurt you, of that I'm sure.
But you will want them more and more.
And if only you knew how safe you'd be
Within my arms, or just by me.

I'd fight them all, though you'd rather do it yourself.
And they will fall, tumble, crawl, lay lifelessly.
For you mean the world to me.
And they still don't understand what they're reading right here.
But you don't either.
Would it matter? If you did or you didn't?
Would we matter if we are or if we aren't?
For they don't know you, they don't know me,
They don't know us and why I make this fuss
But to you, me; and to me, you;
We matter.
And it's okay if they don't see,
It's okay if they can't comprehend.
But you must know, you mean much to me.
But then again can we ever be,
More than these written words?
Can we be more than just what they see?