Once again, the milk boiled over. This was the fifth time this week. And every time I begin to clean up the mess I can't help but allow by wandering thoughts to turn into tears. My heart is often taken back to that day.
***
I stood in the door way, holding a letter that two military personnel came to give me. They stood with their hats in the hands held close against their chest while I read the worst letter in George's name.
"I'm sorry", one of the officers said.
***
I've never felt so alone in my life. Losing him was the biggest loss I could ever imagine. Mama told me, marrying him would mean sacrificing most of your time together for the cause of his job. I told her I'd sacrifice anything to have his surname. I guess I didn't think I'd be losing so much of him.
I walked over to the side of my bed and sat down where once, two people sat. The ground was cold, so was the bed. I reached under my pillow and pulled out a letter.
Dear Susan,
Life has become difficult where I am right now. They have sent for more troops and the scene is tense. I think about you all the time though. No matter how far away I am, I’m always sending you kisses. No amount of borders can keep them away from you. Till I see you again, I hope they suffice.
Yours Lovingly
George
They sufficed for as long as he was somewhere in the world. Now I’m not too sure if his kisses travel the border of heaven and earth. I folded the letter once again, and placed it under my pillow, where more like it were placed. I got into bed and under the sheets. The bed felt new every time I got into it. I usually never got sleep until the bed got a little warm.
***
I was woken up by a sound. My ears tend to pick up the slightest of noises. It was 2:00am on my table clock. I sat up; just to be sure it was the wind. Of course it had to be but then I heard my name. And I had to filter the sound of the wind and listen more carefully to be sure. Yes, someone was calling my name out.
At this hour, who could it be? I swung my feet off the bed and took a while to consider if it could be the neighbors. No, the Petersons were out of town and Mrs. Richardson would never step out of her house at this hour.
So I walked over to the sliding glass door that let to my backyard, drew the curtains and switched one of the yard lights on. The night looked like any other night, only with stronger winds. The autumn winds seem to be on time this year. The moon shone softly while the dried leaves scurried about with the wind. There was enough light for one to notice how badly-kept the grass was. I had to mow the lawn the next day. I decided I should get back to bed, because it grew quiet now, and no one was there. I turned around and took a step when all of a sudden...
"Susan! Wait"
That voice, not only was it familiar but to some extent, it was unbelievable. I spun around to find no one there. From where was this voice coming and who was it? I picked up a bat that was kept under the sofa that backed the glass frames. I may not have been good at soft ball, but my coach, many years ago, had said I have a good arm.
I slid the door open and took a step out; the cold air ceased my throat and made me shiver.
"Who is it? Show yourself; don't make me call the police"
"Susan, it’s me, George, don't call anyone, hear me out, please"
George? My fingers went numb. Just because it sounded like him?.....No!
"Susan, believe me, it’s me, don't make me show myself..."
Shaking now, trembling in fear, "Come out, before I call the police on you"
There was that eerie silence again and my fear could be heard in the winds. And then from behind the tree, stood a figure of a man, a thin man, as thin as a skeleton, as he took a step forward into the light, I noticed his bent shoulders; he wore a uniform, not just any uniform, my husband's uniform.
The bat fell from my hand and I almost reached down to pick it up...
"Susan, wait, it’s really me, I know you don't want to believe me, I know I don't look the same. But it is me, its George."
"Shut up! Stop it!"
"My body has become this way because of what you have become on the inside. , because you feel empty, lifeless and lonely. Susan, don't do this to yourself, don't do this to me."
I found myself on my knees, my palms on my knees, sobbing. It was him, no one knew me the way he did. I closed my eyes and waited for this nightmare to get over. For this illusion to end. My eyes were shut, tight.
The winds blew more fiercely and I don't know if my shiver came from the cold or from the truth he spoke that now haunted me. Before I could build up the courage to open my eyes and look at this state of him again, cold fingers held my shoulders and cold lips touched my forehead.
But no longer was it cold. The winds turned warm and my shiver turned to comfort. His fingers found life and his lips plumped up to a very familiar warm kiss that I recall so easily.
The hands that I now recognized so well, wiped my tears away and though he disappeared when I opened my eyes, finally, my night turned to day.
Rest in Peace, George. Rest in Peace.
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