You should go and love yourself

There was once a time when I couldn't love myself. I couldn't stand myself. I couldn't live with myself. And you'd wonder what went wrong. How does one go from being so appreciative about life and all that's in it to wanting to run away from herself. I wondered too.

They say that you should love yourself first before anyone else. This is your life pack. Your lifebuoy to keep you afloat when you otherwise fall off your boat. This is your buffer of love, used especially when the love you usually receive feels insufficient or probably non existent anymore. This store of love is meant to build you up and help you redeem yourself when all else fails. But what happens if you don't have this store of love ready? What happens if you didn't anticipate losing the love you usually receive from loved ones. What happens if you took love for granted and now suddenly you can't find it anymore?

You find yourself in a big black hole, where nothing matters, everythings cold, including your heart and this void let's you feel just one thing, numb.

And numb is not a feeling anyone should go through.

Love yourself. Love yourself so much that another person's love for you or lack of it cannot bring you down. Know that you deserve to be loved, because you are beautiful inside and out, you deserve great hair days and warmth in winters, you deserve long drives and holidays, you deserve extra sprinkles and shots on the house! You deserve all this because you are worth every star in the sky. And if someone tells you that you aren't or makes you feel otherwise, you tell them to f**k off! You go right ahead and tell them all that you know you are worth.

You are worth so much more than they make you feel. Love yourself more than anyone can love you, for people leave, and I've learned that the hard way, and when they leave, they take their love with them sometimes and leave you behind.

Do not, I repeat, do not think for once that you can never find love again or that you cannot be loved. You are loved, immensely already, by the millions of particles that make you you.

Love yourself before looking for love elsewhere. Love yourself no matter what! You owe it to yourself.

At every sight...

The way he looked at me was different
No one has and no one will look at me the same
The way he looked at me never made me uncomfortable
I felt safe in his sight, in his mind.
The way he looked at me, like I was magic
He made me feel like magic.
He looked at me everyday like he saw me for the 1st time
and everyday he saw something new,
He looked at me and I saw him falling in love
And i wonder if he saw me falling in love too.
The way he looked at me, I knew for sure,
He wanted no other to look at me the same way,
I wonder if he knows, no others have.
No eyes have made me feel the same.
No hands have made me melt the same.
No kiss has made me weaken the same.
I wonder if he knows, that I've never seen eyes like his
Or maybe that I've never seen love in anyone's eyes
the way I saw it in his.
Love for me, love for what made me me, love for us.
I miss him, I miss his eyes more.
I miss how I felt when he was around.
Worshiped. Secure. Adored.
Loved at every sight.

Let me love you

Let me love you the way I want to,
Let me love you the way I care.
Stop telling me that I shouldn't!
Stop telling me that you won't be there,
That the future will hurt more
If I don't leave you now.
But babe we could die tomorrow and I don't want it any different, anyhow!
Can we let the future be itself?
Can you let me be me?
I love you for all you are to me.
And I don't care much for what you can be and what you will be
To me. You will always be
Mine.

You can't hurt me, you just can't.
Understand that and let me love you willingly.
Don't be so afraid, love, we don't hold the future in our hands.
We never will and you must understand,
If someday we can't be one
I will still hold your heart
For in truth we can never be completely done.
In truth, nothing can take from me what I have won;
Your heart, your soul, your smile.
And even many a mile can only try
To distance me from you.

But you must let me love you now
And not worry about tomorrow, 

tomorrow,
We must awake and allow fate
To do what she must because she will.
Against my will;
Against you.
And she will see us through.
But for now, babe, let me love you.

Fold

She's traveling everyday
A little deeper into herself.
She warned them ages ago
That his would mean the beginning of the end.
When a free soul begins to delve
Into dark waters and strange tides.
She warned them that it would happen when no ones watching,
Under the gaze of only her eyes,
That they will reflect depth
And shall hide from all who think they know.
She will fold, bit by bit,
And under every flap she will find solace,
Like never found in anyone's company.
She will implode several times,
And fell pain like shocks of lightning striking her heart.
And every time the pain subsides, she dies alil more inside.
Until she's so feeble,
she will remain
Until she's shown what she's worth,
she will refrain
From being more than what she really is;
A drop in the ocean, a lost soul in the abyss.
And deeper she will go, quieter she will grow.
Until nothing can do her any more harm
And that's when she will feel safe
Under ever fold she will find her resting place.