The Innocent Murderer

They don't know what they are doing. They do not know how burdened I am with guilt.
They make a decision to end it all and then they choose the railway as a spot.
Those victims, who could have been saved by mere conversation,
Now are delivered to death by my hands, my controls, or better still, my not being in control.

In my country it isn't a rare sight to see them, the poor at heart give up their lives
Poverty, unemployment, depression, disease,
all of it are not balanced out by good friends and good counsel.
If it were, I wouldn't have to call myself the innocent murder.

Innocent because I have no intention to kill,
A Murder because I cannot stop the kill from taking place,
especially since the train cannot halt at such short notice.
I don't think i need to tell you what happens next.

Days go by and everyday I fear the weakness of a soul.
For it is the weak at heart that make me a murderer.
Think of me, before you think of laying yourself down.
Think of me before you hear the train's honking sound. 

What They Don't Know

She out there. Taking on the world now, bit by bit, her life is falling into place. She's got the scholarship shes been trying so hard to get and she's got her mind set and ready to take on whatever life throws her way.

She's a fighter, that's what they all call her. They say she knows what she wants and she's out to get it, a successful life! They say the universe works hand in hand with her to make her dreams come true.

If only...

As she sits by the window, she ponders about the number of things they say about her.
How determined she is,
how hardworking,
how focused...
and a small smile, almost pitiful, lines her face. They don't know what she knows.

She knows what a struggle it was, leaving home for a far away place, leaving friends for a better education, leaving family behind for the sake of a future. They don't know the things she left before taking this big step. They don't see her sitting by this window.

They don't know the millions of decisions she took, they don't know the price she had to pay, they don't know what she sacrificed. They don't know how heavy her heart was, saying goodbye, they don't know how deep she drowned herself in fear before getting onto that flight.

They don't know she felt like she wasn't the one in control, they weren't aware that she didn't have a map.

They aren't aware of the boy, the one who made this the most difficult move of all, they don't know about the heart breaker, who kept her here long after she left. They don't know how difficult it was to let go.

They don't know that it is now done. He has been freed. She has been freed.

They don't know just like sometimes, she doesn't know.

And while shes sitting by her window, thinking about all of them, only she knows what it's like to not know and only she knows that sometimes, it's okay to not know.

Suddenly, her smile isn't pitiful anymore, its beautiful!

The Burden of the Bubble

She walked around with a bubble around her. It kept her safe from those who wanted to come too close. She said it was her own space, it's what allowed her to move about in public. She also said she would feel naked without it.

For years she wore it, so long, that no one could remember the time she moved without it.

That part of her life was only for her to remember.

Now, her bubble had grown so strong, that not only was it impenetrable but also her protective gear. She had friends, many of course, for her charm and her smile called for it. But none could invade this space she kept for herself.

Years ago, when she walked without her shield, she was loved. She gave and received love unconditionally, until one day, someone took that for granted, stripped her off her defenses and took away all that she had.

And then, all she had was herself.

She didn't buy this bubble, nor was it gifted to her, it formed on it's own and she grew into it. Suddenly, she didn't want to be loved in return for the love she gave.

But like all fairy tales, that bubble popper had to cross her path, and the world is grateful for him.

He walked by her, bubble and all, and never once took notice of it. He gave her love like she gave it out to the rest, but the love he gave could only be seen and not felt.  Now she felt trapped, what had she done to herself over all these years?

She had locked herself up so hard that now she lived where no one could reach her, not even the ones she wanted to reach out to, herself.

Separated by a thick wall of insecurity, he was not willing to leave her sulking within her a cocoon of her past.
Like a knight in shinning armor, he expressed his desire to love her and never leave her. And after all these years, she saw eyes that loved and waited to see her through no wall at all.

Her bubble begin to choke her, she suffocated in this cell she locked herself up in.
This abyss of darkness, pride, pity and tears,
And before he knew it, his heart skipped at the sight of her pain and without a thought he drew his sword and tore down the walls that threatened to swallow her.

In a split second, she was in  his arms, panting, breathing quick but gradually growing normal.
He held her. For the 1st time, she felt naked and she liked it.

It was okay to be naked this way, when someone's love clothed you and more importantly, fit you perfectly.

A Flower buried beneath a Stone

From a young man to the mother he didn't love enough:

I bring you flowers, flowers for your grave.
Today when your're not here, I'm down on my knees shedding many a tear.
These flowers I bring as a gift to you,
Now when you are but dust in the wind and a breeze that blows through
And I regret where I was when you were flesh and bones,
For then I didn't bring you flowers, I just threw stones.
The biggest stone thrown was sending you away,
To a home for the old, a strange place to stay.
Mama, mama dear, forgive me please, I'm crying, I miss you, I'm down on my knees.

Another stone that hurt you the most
Would have been when I treated you like a ghost,
For when you were near I paid no heed
And now I realize you're all that I need.
Mama, I'm looking at the stone, the one they laid you beneath,
And today I have flowers that I place at your feet.
But in my heart I hope you see,
Mama, I feel tremendously guilty.

I pray that no other man
Ignores the presence of a mother,
For we live this life but once,
And like a mothers love, there is no other.